I’m old and I’m bitter, with nothing to fear,
So shut up and listen and get me a beer.
It might be my birthday but that won’t stop my rant
My thoughts, like good wine, I need to decant.
I’ve railed and I’ve raved since my dotage began
It’s my privilege ‘cos I’m a grumpy old man.
As I grow older; it’s life I suppose:
But more and more things just get up my nose.
Traffic lights, at the bank at in supermarket queues
Waiting in line just gives me the poos
I want to get done as fast as I can
It’s only fair, I’m a grumpy old man.
I hate these computers, with their silly programs,
The wifi won’t work and the printer just jams
When my daughter can’t help me figure it out
I throw things and kick things, I scream and I shout
For dealing with my anger I should have a plan
But I can’t be bothered as I’m a grumpy old man
On the road my short fuse is put to the test
When it comes to the rules, I always know best!
If cars go too slow I’m prone to tail-gate,
Caus’ idiot drivers just make me irate
If you see me coming in my Darrell Lea van
I’d get out of the way of this grumpy old man
I love to dance- though not to the beat,
You should try it, you know, it’s quite a mean feat.
I’ll develop an obsession to any new craze
The same song or band on repeat for days
Of my newest love, the wife’s not a fan,
But I don’t really care- I’m a grumpy old man.
I’m in my garden picking herbs every day
To go in Wasim’s special salsa verde
I’m stealing his recipes and learning his tricks
A new way to poach eggs just thrilled me to bits.
And while a café’s always been in my plan
I don’t know who’d work with this grumpy old man
There's food down my shirt-front and some on my face
Because I eat at an alarming pace
I lounge in my armchair while watching the telly
And my food drips unheeded all over my belly
It's a trait of the aged from here to Japan;
Just a perk for being a Grumpy old man
If you can’t find me I’ll give you some clues,
It starts with Dubbo and ends with ‘Roos
If I’m not at the clubhouse, I’ll be at the bar,
Drinking lime cordial in my Coran-a
Ngaire might want a Rugby Club ban
But I’ll keep on going- I’m a grumpy old man.
My temper is short, my patience is thin
And there’s stubble all over my double chin.
My face is red, my tummy’s fat
And I’ve been known to kick the cat.
But I’m doing the best I can,
Life is hard for a grumpy old man
And while his habits drive his family nuts
And sometimes I think that I hate his guts
We can’t help but love him in his old age
Despite his snoring and untameable rage
So now, surrounded by all the clan
Let’s say Happy Birthday to the grumpy old man!
Poem written by Chris' daughter, Micaela.
